How to address someone...

Thank you! This is a more detailed source than I had. So very helpful and of course some of this is a little changed due to patriarchy removal, but I am trying to adhere to a sense of this formality structure in formal address based on the titles players have provided me through email. (Your reminder that if you did not list your peerage in email or the survey to me, but have updated it here since, I might not have caught it).

https://www.chinet.com/~laura/html/titles12.html

Gotta credit @Lady Violet Heloise Blankeney-Coventry (Elizabeth) with this one, but another decent resource for address in correspondence.

The peerage is uptight af is all I'm saying lmao.

Now to decide whether to use the proper way to address such persons, or whether to address people improperly due to poor education 😂

RE: @Colonel G.O. Molyneux's excellent additions, I would just bear in mind that patriarchy is dead in this game, so gendered hierarchies aren't being adhered to. To whit: my brother Edmund and I are both Marquess of Lansdowne, I am not a Marchioness (as determined in collaboration with the GMs.)

***Addendum: To be perfectly clear to all, I think the sharing of these kinds of materials is CRUCIAL and so helpful for each of us to build out our characters and decide our preferences for our characters. I'm not slamming Greg or "Col. G.O." (sorry, I don't know your IRL name) and I'm SO SOO GRATEFUL for everyone who's sharing resources. I just happen to be using a tradition/gender-defying title and wanted to broach this using myself as an example so that we can remember that the power for titling and suffixes lies with the character-creator and to encourage us all to share our preferences.

Here are another 2 pro-tips, since I've seen a lot of folx who fit these molds (further Edited for more explicit gender neutrality):

1) If you are the future heir of a title, you may use a lesser title tied to your future estate as courtesy (if any exists). So, for example, if your parent is fully titled Duke of Strong, Earl of Strong, Viscount of Punch -- your courtesy title would be called Viscount / Viscountess / Other Non-Gendered Punch until you inherit. You cannot* be the Earl / Countess / ONG of Strong because there is already a Duke of Strong, and we can't have 2 Strongs running around confusing people.

* Cannot here being a strong term for Real World parallels, and having nothing to do with exceptions made in the game world or augmented by alt history to tear down the patrilineal inheritance system.

2) If you are the non-inheriting child of a Duke or Marquess, you become Lord / Lady / ONG First Last. The second son of the Duke of Strong is called Lord First M. Last, not Lord Strong. Familiarly, you are called Lord First. When you marry, your partner will be Lord / Lady / ONG First (your first name), unless they have their own, higher title.

They sometimes do it differently in Scotland, but just to use the English system as an example -- Lord Sofia Soft becomes Lord Sofia, and their partner is also Lord / Lady / ONG Sofia too. Their children have no titles at all, and will be Mr. / Miss. / ONG Soft.**

** Personally, I think having two Lord or Lady Firsts in a same-sex union probably means the spouse who was not born with the title is Lord / Lady (Their Own First Name) (Ennobled Partner's First Name), just the way that Jane Bennet is Miss Bennet and Lizzy Bennet is Miss Elizabeth Bennet. You assign the person's first name if they are the less senior party of address. This is all just me making it up, tho.

Earls split the difference. Their non-inheriting daughters are Lady First and their non-inheriting sons are The Honorable First M. Last. ONG... Up to the player, but The Honorable is not inherently gendered except that it has real world origins in the patriarchy.

My character, the Colonel, is the second son of an Earl. If anybody chose an alternate version, they would be that instead. So he is The Honorable Gilbert O. Molyneux. However, because he has a military rank, his official designation is Colonel The Honorable Gilbert O. Molyneux, and familiarly he is Colonel Molyneux.

It gets more complicated the further down you go. But we have a lot of Lord X and Lady Y, most of whom are non-inheriting children of major titles, so I thought the rest of us might benefit from having a real-world touchpoint.

Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies; obviously I do not work for Debrett's.

oh cool I had kind of been looking for something like this.